"José Jalapeño's bad day" | Arguing with Myself | JEFF DUNHAM
- I understand you guyshad a good day today?
- Yes we had a great day!- No we did not
- Yes- No
- Yes- No
we did not have a good day.
- Yes we had
a great fricking day!
(laughter)
(Monkey noise)
- Did you have a good day?
- Yeah- No
- Shut up!
(laughter)
- A good day
- [Peanut] Yes- No
- [Peanut] Shut up.
- You're supposed to havetaken him to the spa.
- I took him to the spa.
(laughter)
- He put me in the vegetable steamer.
(laughter)
- It's the same thing!
- The same thing?
- It is too, it getshot, and it gets steamy,
and then it goes, "Ding!"
- Purple bastard.
- Mexican condiment.
(laughter)
- [Jeff] A condiment?
- I do not use them.
- You don't?
- And neither did your mother.
(laughter)
- [Voice From The Suitcase]Oh that's funny (bleep)
right there, that is funny (bleep)!
(laughter)
- Whoa, that was really good!
You gotta work on it a little though.
- Why?
- Cause from here it soundedlike it came out of my ass.
- Now I have somewhere to put my stick.
- Oh yeah, well yourmother's a corn dog! Hah!
- On a stick.
- Look, Jose, are you happy?
- Si Senor, I am happy.
- Good.
- What the hell is happy?
- Are you always happy?
- I'm not happy on Halloween.- Oh.
- What the hell is wrong with Halloween?
- There are no costumes on a stick.
- You could be a fudgesicle (laughs)
- Did anything else happen today?
- No.- Si!
- Damn.
- What else happened?
- We were getting out of the car today
- Out of the car, what happened?
- He slammed my stick in the door.
(laughter)
and now I have a sore stick.
- Peanut did you apologize?
- (laughs) No.- Why not?
- Cause I couldn't, I couldn't breathe!
- Why couldn't you breathe?
- Because he was laughing too hard.
- Man, it was funny,
he looked like a hoodornament from Taco Bell!
- I think you're justgonna have to apologize
- All right all right all right!
Jose, I'm, I'm sorry
- Is okay- [Jeff] Okay
- I hope you die.
- Look, you're just gonnahave to be nicer to him
- What do you say, uh,
(speaking Spanish to one another)
- [Jeff] What are you doing?
- I'm speaking to Josein his native tongue.
- We don't do that- Why not?
- Well, it makes me feel left out.
(laughing)
- Huh?
- Well I don't speak Spanish.
(humming horror music)
- Picture if you will
- Look Jose, you're anunusual kind of guy,
what makes you happiest in life?
- My BMW?- [Jeff] He has a BMW.
- [Peanut] Yeah, big Mexican woman.
- On a stick.
(laughing)
- Jose, would you feel better in the box?
- It's much nicer in the box.- Okay.
- Whoa, oh dude, I thought youwere gonna drop him, oh jeez.
That would've been funny as hell.
- [Jose] Do not drop me, Senor.
- I won't drop you Jose.
- [Jose] I would then be JoseThe Jalapeno On The Floor.
(laughter)
- Do a little tap dance, we got salsa!
(laughter)
- That's terrible!- Not with the right kind
of chips it's not.- Stop it!
I'm sorry Jose.
- [Jose] Is okay- Okay.
- [Jose] I kick his ass later.
- I'll turn your ass into guacamole.
- Stop it.
- I'll stir you with your own stick!
- Stop it.
- (sings) This is the way westir the guac, stir the guac,
stir the guac.
Ole!
- I'm sorry Jose.
- [Jose] Is okay- Okay
- [Jose] Don't close the door- Why not?
- [Jose] The cockroaches.
- You have cockroaches in there?
- [Jose] One big one!- A big one.
- [Jose] On a stick!
(laughter)
- [Jose] Senor!- What?
- [Jose] I need to come back out.
- I have to go on with the show, Jose.
You stay right there.
- [Jose] Senor!- What
- [Jose] I need to come back out!
- You can't come back out!
- [Jose] I wish to see the Senoritas
- What?
- [Jose] I want to see the girls
- What girls?- [Jose] Any girls.
- What makes you think agirl would want to see you?
- [Jose] Jose has the stick.
(laughter and applause)
(whooshing)
Click here to watch: "And Now, Special COVID-19 Advice From Bubba J | JEFF DUNHAM" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG3erL7m_ZI --~-- Jose and Peanut "debate" on whether they had a good day or not, in this clip from my 2006 special "Arguing with Myself." Enjoy! You can order the full special on DVD from my webstore!: http://bit.ly/dunhamstore The guys and I are on tour again! Come see us LIVE! Check out my upcoming tour dates! http://www.jeffdunham.com/tours Stream my brand new comedy special, Jeff Dunham: Beside Himself on Netflix NOW! Woo hoo! http://smarturl.it/BesideHimself Stream my last comedy special, Jeff Dunham: Relative Disaster on Netflix! http://bit.ly/JeffDunham_RD Like me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/JeffDunham Subscribe to my YouTube: http://bit.ly/SubscribeDunham Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/JeffDunham & Follow me on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/JeffDunham